Gossip Straight Up or Affirmation a Lost Art?
The Bible has much to say about the words that pass over our lips, the condition of our hearts and how to imitate Christ. Our personalities are complex and multifaceted and so the Bible addresses us from many angles. It challenges us, confronts us, woos us all with the goal that we should be Christ like. John’s letter to the church in 3 John 1 addresses the topic of gossip. He agrees with Paul in Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 12 and 1 Timothy 3. Paul places gossip in those texts in the midst of personal qualities of the likes of; wickedness, evil, greed and depravity… envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful, inventors of doing evil; disobedient to their parents; senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.
The condition of the heart that causes gossip also causes quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander…arrogance and disorder. Paul and John draw a disparaging picture of the gossip. John’s letter addresses the problem in detail because there are severe consequences for gossip within the church.
I was having coffee with a well meaning friend when the topic of gossip came up. Of all the people I know she herself is above board in her behavior, never a gossip. Because of this she has earned my trust and confidence. Although I knew her statement, you can’t control idle gossip is true, I believe there are things a person can do and should do to combat it. I think 3 John 1:9-13 makes my case.
9I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. 10So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
11Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God. 12Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone—and even by the truth itself. We also speak well of him, and you know that our testimony is true.
As I studied the text I found out that John is comparing two people Diotrephes and Demetrius. He is telling Gaius to steer clear of Diotrephes, but to imitate Demetrius. The reason is clear as John points to the fruit of their lives. Diotrephes for whatever unexplained reason refuses to welcome brothers from outside the immediate church, he opposes those who want to welcome these unnamed brothers and puts them out of the church. His method is gossip, which when gossip does not work effectively enough he moves to open opposition. Demetrius on the other hand is known for his works. Everyone speaks well of him, he appears to not defend himself, but John takes this opportunity to speak for him as well.
I see this very clearly, in black and white. As brother and sistas in Christ we are called to unity. Gossip separates us and maligns the call to carry out the work of the gospel. Proverbs 16:28 says it well, “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.” John saw it in black and white too when he admonished, “11Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.”
I think gossip should be exposed for what it is, ungodly behavior. A gossip needs to repent and make amends. If the damage was done publicly, the amends should be made public. I think if we personally find ourselves in the midst of gossip the least we should do is remove ourselves. I have practiced this in the past and have been viewed as antisocial. But I believe my choice was Biblical. Proverbs 20:19 states; A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much, reflecting the warning in John’s letter. Gossip feels good to us, a choice morsel, because it gives us the allusion we are better than other people (Proverbs 18:18 and 26:22) deriding the sanctification process of our own souls. As we excuse our sin by focusing on the sins of others and in bringing them into the open and encourage others to join we help bring the process of sanctification to a halt in their lives too. It is like a cancer. It shows a lack of concern or compassion for the one whose life is being dissected and judged. Worst of all it places the gossiper in the role of God; a fearful place to be.
The antidote to gossip is to pray for those who have sinned, to encourage them and becomes a conduit of restoration. Does the fruit of our lives speak of restoration and reconciliation or judgment and condemnation? Do we build others up or tear them down.? If we are brothers and sistas in Christ than if we build others up we are building God’s kingdom, if we tear each other down we are opposing God’s work in the church.
Written December 12, 2005